What is Cuffing Season

Have you ever sat in a sea of blankets while eating a toasted bagel with blueberry cream cheese in upstate NY, right smack dab in the middle of November when the temperature is somewhere around 40°F, and right as you’re reaching for the remote to turn on Netflix, BOOM you’re overwhelmed by a wave of loneliness? Well, friend, that was your serotonin dropping to the lowest level of the year, and it'll stay like that until mid February.

Simply put, cuffing season takes place from mid October through the end of February. During this time, lots of singles are scrambling to push a square peg through a round hole so they have someone to build a snowman with, take to family functions, and finally try that new sex position from Cosmo while Mariah Carey sings about Christmas in the background.

Why is Cuffing Season?

Cuffing season is a phenomenon grown out of wonky hormone levels, cold weather that makes us want to cozy up, family pressure to find a mate, and societal pressure to have a date for holiday events.

What does that experience look like on a national scale?

Mainstream dating apps see a 30% jump in activity from November to February
10%-20% of Americans report feeling ‘winter blues’
5% of Americans are diagnosed with clinical seasonal depression during the winter season
The likelihood of organically meeting a romantic partner drops by over 50% in winter months
75% of singles feel more lonely during the holiday season
69% say they felt less alone after matching with someone on dating apps.

Happy Hormones

I’m a researcher and a clinical social worker, so I could talk about this for hours, but here’s the short story: Basically, we have four major ‘happy’ hormones, and three of them take a pretty major hit during the winter months.

First, there’s serotonin, the dude most people are pretty familiar with. This bad boy is responsible for regulating our mood, among other things. Unfortunately he depends on sunlight to thrive, so our serotonin levels drop during winter months.
Second, we have dopamine, the lesser known brother. He goes a bit apeshit and starts multiplying in the winter months, and just like eating a whole pizza will make you feel sleepy and kinda sick, too much dopamine can lead to sluggishness and lack of motivation.
Third, we’ve got endorphins. Pretty chill guys, but they need regular exercise to reach their full potential… and guess who exercises less in the winter? This girl right here, along with enough other people that they’ve funded multiple studies about it.
Fourth, we’ve got oxytocin. Oxytocin is the real MVP. They’re responsible for that rush of love we feel when we see a beautiful set of genitals or have a meaningful conversation with a loved one. There haven’t been any well funded studies on how the weather affects oxytocin.. But even if it doesn’t affect it at all, this lil cupid can’t be expected to run the whole office just because the rest of corporate decided on a group vacation.

Should I Participate?

If you’re thinking about participating in cuffing season, consider these potential challenges:

What am I looking for, really? Be honest with yourself. A short-term relationship won’t work if you’re the kind of person who falls in love on the 3rd date or starts to pick at small flaws of those you aren’t 100% compatible with. If you’re going to lean into a short, fun, fling, take a minute to consider the emotional consequences.
Set Expectations. Talk to each other. If you want a cuffed relationship, be clear that you’re not looking for anything too serious or long lasting. You don’t need to tell them that you’d like to cuff them for winter, but be clear that you’re looking for something fun and casual. Make a contingency plan for if/when someone starts to catch feelings.
Gift Giving. Cuffing season falls in the middle of the major gift giving holidays, so have a conversation about gift giving expectations. It won’t feel great if you spend a month finding a rare piece from their favorite artist and they get you a candle.
Family Introductions. Do you want them to do family holiday events with you? Are you willing to do family events with them? This is a conversation you need to have, along with providing expectations about the unique level of crazy your family has in spades.
It’s Okay To Be Single. Being single isn’t some disease we need to rid ourselves of by downloading multiple dating apps. If you feel like eskimo kisses and fireplace makeout sessions will make the winter months a little more warm, then go for it… but it’s also ok to tell Aunt Sharon to STFU when she starts talking about your biological clock. Gather your single friends around you and plan a weekly get together. Date yourself for a bit. I suspect you’ll find that you’re quite the catch.

The Art of UnCuffing

In mid February our hormones finally start to head back to their assigned seats, the weather warms up, and the insane pressure to find a date for holiday events ends for another year. We may then realize that we’ve made a terrible mistake and yeet TF out of a relationship that may have been more convenient than sustainable.

Uncuffing is just like a normal breakup. Be honest, be straightforward, and be kind. Don’t ghost people (unless you feel unsafe), don’t collect tons of Valentine’s Day gifts and then break up via text the next day. Don’t cheat. Don’t start playing games. Don’t be shitty to your partner. Be honest and succinct, answer the questions you feel comfortable answering. It’s ok to walk away from something that isn’t right for you. Relationships don’t need to be long lasting in order to be meaningful. Appreciate it for what it was, and move forward.

Can a Cuffed Relationship Last?

Sure, cuffed relationships aren’t doomed to fail….just make sure that your desire for the whole shebang is based on compatibility rather than loneliness. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying a fling with a hottie as long as you’re able to recognize the difference between fun and sustainability. Don’t be afraid to have important conversations when you’re considering something more serious- and DON’T bury your head in the sand rather than address glaring issues. Like, why is there a ring-shaped tan line on her finger and who are those kids in his wallet?

If March is in full bloom and you’re still feeling smitten as a kitten, you’ve made it! Congratulations!

Conclusion

Cuffing season has become a bit of a meme, but it has some pretty strong data behind it. Whether you’re interested in a winter cuffing or trying to avoid one, I hope you all have a lovely winter holiday… and if you’re feeling lost in the dating world, I’ll be here with my two cats and thermal pjs to sort you out ;).

Cheers,
Chloe