Your Holidays, Your Rules: A Survival Guide for the Holiday Season

Let’s talk about the holidays. That magical time of year that’s all about family. And by “family,” it often means the relatives you were born into or the partner you’re supposed to have. For those who don’t fit the Hallmark mold, this season can feel isolating. 

The holiday season is when depression rates hit their peak. Over half of Americans report feeling depressed during the holidays, and 35% of them said that their depression this year was worse than the year before. It’s the season when recovering addicts are more likely to relapse. It’s also the time of year when veterans, the elderly, and LGBTQ+ people are especially vulnerable. 

If you’re having a wonderful holiday season, this blog may not be for you (though reading it could help you support a friend).

If you’re struggling right now, I want you to know that you’re not alone. I had many, many lonely Christmases before I learned how to create my own support system. 

Wait, but Chloe, You’re a Dating Consultant. Why Write About Family?!

Because I want to, Stacy, that’s why.

In all seriousness, loneliness hits daters especially hard this time of year. It’s practically a pandemic for singles, and cuffing season is proof. We’re in the time of year when single people scramble to latch onto someone—anyone—just to avoid spending the holidays alone.

Did you know that dating app usage spikes by 30% from October to February? Thirty percent. That’s more than bikini season, y’all.

I’m not being a grumpus here. I’m a huge advocate for finding love—healthy, supportive, wonderful love. I’ve built a career and podcast out of it. But I also know for damn sure that you don’t need a partner or a family to enjoy the holidays.

The Day Dinosaurs Saved My Life

Two of the most life-changing events in my life started with impulsive Reddit posts.

The first was the day I hopped onto  r/slavelabour and offered to pimp out dating profiles for $5. Forty-eight hours later, I had launched Advice by Chloe—a career that has brought me more purpose and happiness than I ever could’ve imagined.

The second? That was the day I found my tribe.

Five years ago, at one one of my lowest points, I turned to Reddit for a distraction. I posted to r/gamerpals to see if anyone wanted to play Ark: Survival Evolved with me. I wasn’t looking for a lifelong friendship- I just wanted to tame some dinosaurs. 

The people who responded to that post became my family. We built a tribe called The Mighty Nein, and together we played the shit out of that game. 

We stopped playing Ark years ago, but they have become the most important people in my life. 

Friends are Thicker than Family

Even after finding my tribe, it took me a while to let go of the dream of the perfect family. I spent years twisting myself into emotional pretzels, hoping for the kind of connection I thought I was supposed to have with them. 

One moment stands out. I’d just hit a huge milestone with my business. A service I’d spent months creating sold out before I even had time to advertise it. I was over the moon. I’d built something that mattered, that helped people, and that I was proud of. 

I took the day to enjoy the moment alone before telling anyone. This was not my first rodeo. I’d learned the hard way to soak in my wins before sharing them with anyone. 

When I was ready, I called my family to share the good news.

What You Seek is Seeking You ~ Rumi

They weren’t mean. They weren’t dismissive. They weren’t rude. They were polite—congratulatory in the way you’d be if a coworker casually mentioned they were running a 5K. A quick, “that’s great!” followed by a subject change.

By the time I hung up, I felt hollow. Somehow embarrassed for daring to be proud of myself. 

I canceled my weekly game night and crawled into bed for a proper pity party.

As I laid in bed eating a whole cake with a fork, it hit me: They weren’t doing this on purpose. They just didn’t get it. Not because they’re bad people, but because they didn’t really get me. 

I had sabotaged my happiness (and theirs) by expecting them to magically become someone they weren’t. I was trying to force a level of closeness that simply didn’t exist. Deep down, I knew how this conversation would go before it even happened. I had given myself time to celebrate alone, because I expected the disappointment that would follow. Why was I doing this to myself?? 

We’ve been so hardwired to believe that family is the most important thing in the universe… But what does that mean for people who don’t have close relationships with theirs? Or for those without a family at all? What about people with abusive families? 

The sad truth is, the data paints a stark picture. People without a supportive family in their lives either:

Find a support system to meet their emotional needs 

or 

They suffer the consequences.

Without a support system, the risks are staggering. People in this position are more likely to experience depression, loneliness, and low self-esteem. They’re more likely to have a heart attack, 56% more likely to have a stroke, 30% more likely to develop dementia. It’s bad news bears, guys.

Lonely people are 50% more likely to die by suicide than the general population, and their lifespan can be decreased by 10-15 years. The risk of living without love and support affects your longevity at the same rate as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

The Power of Nick

Thankfully for me, I have a Nick. 

Nick doesn’t let you stew in silence or wallow in peace. He called because he noticed I skipped game night and was worried about me. 

When I told him what happened, Nick didn’t just react—he exploded. There was hooting, hollering, and a very loud “GET YOUR ASS OUT OF BED SO WE CAN CELEBRATE PROPERLY!” His excitement was contagious. It was everything I needed but hadn’t realized I was missing.

Because of Nicholas, I ended up laughing with my friends for the rest of the night, celebrating my success with the people who had been with me every step of the way.

Family is Important, Love is Importanter

I’m not here to poo on my family. I love my family. But they’re not my tribe. They didn’t see me sweating over every detail of my programs, pouring over research, or struggling to figure out how to grow my business while staying true to my mission. They didn’t know how much of me was in that accomplishment because they weren’t part of the journey.

And that’s okay.

It was a turning point for me. I stopped chasing connections where they didn’t exist and started pouring my energy into reciprocal relationships. I finally accepted that family isn’t about who came out of whose vagina. It’s the ones who hoot and holler and tell you to get your ass out of bed when you need it the most. 

I’ve also had way too many clients reach out this holiday season, caught in this spiral of pain and grief. Some are debating whether to force themselves to go to family gatherings they know will wreck their mental health. Others are planning to spend the holidays alone, convinced being single means there’s no point in celebrating. 

A lot of people treat the holidays as something you’re supposed to endure rather than enjoy. I’ve been there. And I wish someone had sat me down and told me that it didn’t have to be this way.  

You don’t need a family or a spouse to have a good holiday season.You don’t even need them to have a good life. What you need are people who invest in you. 

We Laughed, We Argued, We Were Never Alone

I know this isn’t my usual content, but it’s a rough time of year for a lot of people, and I don’t want anyone sitting there thinking they’re alone. You’re not.

Have you ever looked back on a really dark chapter of your life, so close you can still feel the weight of it, but with just enough distance to realize how far you’ve come?

It’s surreal to hold the memory of that pain while standing in a place you never thought you’d reach.

That’s where I’m at right now. Grateful doesn’t even begin to cover it. I found my tribe. They’re my people, my ride-or-dies. They’re going to be walking beside me for the rest of my life. I’ve got the best friends in the world and a partner who feels more like home than anything else ever has. 

A few months ago, my friend Matt and I were running some cocaine deliveries to the fine citizens of Los Santos. We decided to race, and the loser had to create a hand-drawn piece of art for the winner. I won, obviously, and told Matt to draw something that represented our friendship. I was honestly expecting some penis monstrosity, but he gave me this. 

An original work of art by Chloe’s friend, Matt. He has decided to keep his day job.

Look, I know he’s a terrible artist, but that’s not the point. The drawing wasn’t just his tribute to my superior drug-running skills; it was a promise. A promise that this tribe we’ve built is here to stay. We’re going to be in each other’s lives until we’re wrinkly, senile, and playing GTA12 in the nursing home. 

TLDR: r/gamerpals beats DNA any day. 

Final Thoughts

You’re awesome, and you deserve people who remind you of that. If you don’t have those people in your life yet, go find them. 

Don’t let the media trick you into feeling like you’re missing out. You’re not too old to make new friends. It’s not too late to find your person. You’re allowed to say no. If you haven’t already, start building your tribe. 

It’s going to be ok.

Much love,

Chloe

A Love Letter to My Tribe

Thank you for being the best friends I could ever ask for.

Thank you for taking shifts staying with me when I was grieving, for proofreading every blog post, approving every website update, and listening to every podcast.

Thank you for being godparents to Mr. Darcy and Dr. Croft (and taking it far too seriously), forcing me to take breaks when I’m drowning in work, and staying up with me when I’m too scared to sleep after a scary movie. 

Thank you for the years of gaming sessions, nights of getting silly drunk together, crying together, celebrating together, arguing with each other, and always—always—finding our way back to each other. Thank you for being willing to have tough conversations, call me out when I’m wrong, and tending to my wounds when I’ve been hurt. 

I had never felt so loved or so accepted until I met you.

Thank you for knowing I was in love with K before I did, for cheering us on when I finally figured it out, and for being genuinely happy for me when I decided to move across the country to be with him. You never once made me feel guilty for leaving.

I love you to Ragnarok and back.

Here’s to the next 70 years of taming dinosaurs, stealing cars, and weekend one-shots.

#MightyNeinForever