Expensive Restaurant: She’s cute, smart, and geez louise look at that ass. You should totally impress her by spending an egregious amount of money on dinner… or you could just calm the hell down.

There are tons of girls that treat dating apps like Uber Eats. She’ll eat her expensive dinner and then carry that smokin’ ass right on back to her house. Or, if she’s a decent human being, you may just end up making her feel uncomfortable. It can feel a little weird for a guy to spend $100+ on me for a first date. It can create a sense of obligation that makes the whole situation uncomfortable.

It doesn’t mean I’m anymore likely to sleep with him, but it does mean that I start to wonder if he’s trying to buy me… and no one wants to feel that way. Take her somewhere nice, sure, but if she’s under-dressed in her best ball gown then it’s a bad place for a first date.

Hiking: She mentioned that she loves to go hiking on her dating profile. You’re pretty active, she seems active, and going on a hike together sounds kinda great, right? WRONG. Do you know how many guys have asked me to go hiking on a first date? A lot. Do you know how many times I’ve said yes? Zero times.

I plan on living long enough to be a burden to my grandchildren, I’m not going to end up in an unmarked grave or held captive somewhere the hills have eyes. Shockingly, most girls will not agree to go to a secluded hiking trail with a dude they’ve never met.

She won’t tell you that she’s uncomfortable though, she’ll just turn you down or ghost you. Also, do you really want her to see your pit stains before she sees your dick? Nah man. Do yourself a favor and avoid taking her anywhere secluded or that involves getting sweaty.

Movies: Movies are such a classic first date. You buy some overpriced snacks, your hands meet at the bottom of the popcorn bucket and gently caress each other through a film of melted butter and salt. So.Fucking.Romantic. Just kidding, it’s a terrible plan.

You’re going to be sitting in a dark room with each other. You’re going to smell like butter. If you caress her afterwards, you’re going to leave a smear of grease on her face. Is that really how you want the first kiss to go down? 30% lips, 70% grease? So hot.

Seriously though, there’s no opportunity to talk or to get to know each other at all. There’s literally no difference in the communication level between taking a first date to a movie or going alone and sitting next to a stranger- and the odds of getting laid afterwards are about the same.

Drinks: Going out for drinks is pretty common. There’s nothing quite as sexy as leaning in to scream questions into your dates’ ear, only for her to lean towards you to scream, “Huh?” as music vibrates the table.

Getting drinks is fine, but do some research ahead of time and choose a place that has a friendly atmosphere. If you can’t hear each other over the din of the crowd, or could catch gonorrhea in the bathroom, it’s not a good place for a first date.

Museum: She went to college. You went to college. You guys should show each other how smart you are by looking at old paintings in a large room that echoes loudly every time you cough. Do I really need to add anything else?

Don’t take her to a museum for a first date. You want to be able to talk to her, and unless you want an audience of a dozen strangers and 150yr old artists, a museum is a bad place to do that. Van Gogh had a shit-ton of lady problems. He cut his fucking ear off for Christs sake, he’ll understand if you don’t want to hang out with him on a first date.

If you’d like help with planning a first date that isn’t terrible, improve your dating profile, general dating advice, or get a gift card for a friend, hit me up :)

Cheers,

Chloe.